Today, I woke up. And that is why I'm happy.
I'm happy to have been able to open my eyes today, and look upon the world with a fresh perspective, if that is what I choose. And you know what? It is.
I've spent all week, all month, heck, I've probably actually spent the last three months just feeling sorry for myself. Worried, afraid even, of where I may be at the end of this month financially, or where I may be in May. And you know what? I'm tired of worrying. I'm one of the most positive people I know, and I've spent the last few months spiraling into a weird depression because I don't know where I'm going to find myself in the near future or if I'll even have the funds to keep my animals and myself fed, while still somehow managing to pay all my bills. And you know what? This isn't me. Worrying constantly, being sad, afraid, it's not who I am at all. So why should I let that be who I become?
I genuinely take pride in being one of the happiest most go lucky people I know, and there's no reason why I should ever stray away from that. Of course, we all feel down sometimes, don't get me wrong. But your thoughts control your future, and if you become a negative Nancy all the time, how do you think that will affect you in the long run? I'll give you a hint, it's not going to do you any good.
And that's why I woke up today and started to see the world from a fresh perspective. I work a job with a temp company that specializes in kitchen work, which I love. I also just got a job with a sales company that specializes in POS systems, which I'm extremely excited about. And you know what? I was ready to quit both. I was ready to quit the temp job in December, and I was ready to quit the sales job this week. And I literally just started two weeks ago! Have only been out in the field twice. Could you believe that? Now, I generally don't think of myself as a quitter, but boy was I about to just cave and tell this company, 'You know what, thank you for your time and the faith that you've had in me, but this job just isn't for me.'
And do you want to know why that is? Because I was out in the field for two days, saw no results, and then my roommate gave me covid and I got sick and so I couldn't really work. Plus, this job is commission based so if I'm not out putting in work, I won't be seeing any results. And I took me getting covid two days in, and the handful of people I spoke to on those two days telling me no, as a sign from the universe that I shouldn't be doing this, and that I'm going to be wasting a bunch of money and I'm never going to see any profit from it. And do you know where that mindset derived from? Me being so worried and afraid. It was purely from the perspective of being afraid in which I was trying to rationalize my thoughts.
And I get it, starting a new job or career that you've never had experience in is nerve wracking, of course, but is that any reason to give up before you've even gotten anywhere?
I woke up today and decided no, that isn't any reason. All that means to me, is I'm going to work twice as hard as I originally would've. I'm going to stick with my temp company and take all the schedules they send my way, so that money can go towards bills such as electricity and rent, and then on my days off I'm going to go around the city working for my sales company. Because there's no reason why, if I truly want to succeed, I can't do exactly that. And I do want to succeed, I want it so insanely bad. I want to break the cycle of just being a lower-class family, and I want to build something better for my grandmother and my parents and my future children. I want to be someone they can be proud of and think, 'Damn, that girl worked hard as hell to get to where she is, and it really paid off. I'm so fucking proud of her.' And I want to be proud of myself. And simply because I want it so badly, it's going to happen. I'm not entirely sure what came over me to make me feel such a way, but I'm glad it did, because there is truly no better time to start building your future, than the present. Every day you have the opportunity to be better than the person you were yesterday. And honestly, I think that is just so damn exciting.
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