Here we are. A week into 2022, and I could not be more depressed. I mean, if you spoke to me last May, I'd be very proud of myself currently. But if you spoke to me again in July, id have expected myself to be doing much better off by now.
I hate my body, I hate my face, and we've all somehow collectively agreed that social media is bad but yet... we stay on it???? And I'd be lying if I said social media wasn't a huge trigger for me because it most definitely is! I wake up and immediately check my Instagram and Facebook, all day I'm obsessively opening hinge and tinder to swipe left and right and 'x' all my new likes and respond to a few messages and then not respond to those same folk for days, and for what? Just so I'm left feeling empty inside? Honestly, you don't even want to know how many hours I put into Instagram in a day. I'm sure anybody would call it straight up unhealthy. And now, I'm of course, sitting here in my room, depressed as shit, because all I do is compare my own life to these people that are complete strangers and those who became famous over covid and are still becoming famous and I'm wondering when it's my turn even though, as I said before, we've already collectively acknowledged that social media is just a dark, dark hole that has bad effects on mental health; and yet we still let it control us. And now my everlasting question is just, why? Why must we do this? I, do this? I know I'm sad because of what I see online, which I'm aware isn't the reality of it, those people probably worked very hard to get to where they are today and as the saying goes, 'comparison is the thief of joy', but yet, here we are, still comparing ourselves to each other every day, even when we know what we see isn't truly the bigger picture.
I compare myself to my friends, both in person and online. I wanna be caught up to them and where they are in life, and at times I very much wish things could just fall into my lap like I know it has for some folk.
But I'm also very much aware that my story is still being written, and I have nothing to be worried about and even less that I should be comparing myself to. We all come from different walks of life and therefore things will come to us each at a different pace. What's meant for you, will be yours.
And GOSH I'm really trying to remind myself of that, but it is so hard.
It is so.
Fucking.
Hard.
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